Thursday, January 1, 2009


Happy New Year! I’ve been waiting all year for 2009 to show up and it’s about damn time. After tucking the kiddies into bed last night, I popped a few sushi rolls into my mouth (one at a time, of course) and, when I wasn’t shaking my head in disgust at the morons blasting off fireworks at 10pm (at least wait ‘till midnight. Seriously.) , I stared at the computer waiting for it to do tricks or something. I was bored and totally unmotivated. To do anything. This last year hasn’t been the easiest for me and I suspect most of the country probably feels that way, too. Unless you’re O’Rock or the CEO of a bailout bank. Hmm, lucky duckies.

But I’m not going to explore the horrors of my personal life from the past twelve months. In fact, I’d like to share with you my future. Or, more specifically, what the 2009 Yearly Horoscope has decided to surprise me with instead. I’m a Libra ~ stubborn, loyal, indecisive, and creative. As a Libra in 2009, I can officially add “utterly confused” to my list of Libran characteristics and traits.

Exhibit A: “You will have a baby”. EXCUSE ME!!! WTF!?!? I certainly will not! The thing is (and I don’t believe in this stuff) (not all the time, anyway), I was visiting Savannah, Georgia with my best friend in August 2007. For s-n-g’s, we both consulted a tarot reader. My psychic told me “it’s a boy!” * GASP! * I ran like hell to the other tarot reader who also said, “It’s a boy!” Well, HA! It wasn’t a boy, it wasn’t even a baby! It was an ovarian cyst! My best friend, however, was also told she would have a baby. She cried tears of joy and Delilah Rhoads was born in May 2008. Neither one of us has returned to Savannah since that fateful trip.

Exhibit B: “Use your creative abilities in various fields”. Okay, I like this one, but I certainly don’t see it happening in my professional life. Whenever I open my mouth to state my opinion at work, I’m reminded to be the good little secretary I was hired to be and just do what the directors tell me to do. If I see a word misspelled in a document, I must ask one director if I can change it so as to not offend the other director who misspelled it in the first place. I’ve known for quite some time that this is a good enough reason to seek out a new job. Maybe embellishing my resume would count as using my “creative abilities in various fields”.

Exhibit C: “Change your job to work with a free or flexible work schedule”. Well, fine. If you insist. As long as this change in schedule doesn’t involve a screaming baby in the middle of the night. Besides, I’ve been through that part already and would gladly accept a well-behaved, well-spoken toddler to walk through my door in place of a newborn baby. At least toddlers kind of know how to entertain themselves. While having another child wouldn’t necessarily make my schedule free or flexible, it would certainly make me unemployed and homeless. How’s the resume comin’ along?

Exhibit D: “Death and hospitalization in your family is seen in the next two years”. Oh, so instead of just freaking me out for one year, I’m stuck having to worry about the next two years. My anxiety issues are at threatcon 2 (what’s the Homeland Security color for that terrorist level?), but Nostradamus said the end of the world would come in 2012. Eh, whatever.

Exhibit E: “Heavy expenses will leave a big hole in your pocket”. This is not a big surprise to me, really. My ex basically cost me every penny I earned in 2008 (and 2006 & 2007), ultimately making our situation one of the most expensive non-divorces I know of. So, technically, I can’t afford pockets. I win this round.

To all of you - I wish you a Happy New Year. Unless you’re a Libra. Then I just wish you luck.

1 comment:

Sra said...

I too am a Libra. I just count on my bosses not noticing when I fix their typos and egregious grammatical errors.