Friday, April 3, 2009

Bristol, I got your back.

It looks like there is more than one Mr. Dumas at large. A twerpy little whiner claiming innocence and prying pity out of the misinformed few who might actually hold his ex-girlfriend responsible for the hand this kid was dealt. I’ll admit I’m probably just as misinformed as anyone else out there, seeing as I don’t live with the Palin family, but this just crosses the line with me.

Levi – call me. Come to my house. Allow me to slap you silly for so ridiculously deciding to appear on…ahem, The Tyra Banks Show. You know you might have actually maintained a little credibility, or even saved some face, if you would have just kept your little flapper shut. But there you are on television with the Goddess of Fierce running your mouth about how Bristol Palin is in a bad mood and is “short” with you.

And announcing this on national television to an audience with a combined I.Q. of 14 is going to help your case? You’re pretty dumb.

I am a fan of the Palin family. I’m drawn to their accent because I have the same accent. Especially when I’m either really excited, really angry, or I’ve just ended a phone conversation with my best friend/favorite Wisconsineer, Nikki. When Sarah Palin announced that her teenage daughter was pregnant, that pretty much sealed the deal for me. This family is functionally dysfunctional. Just like everyone else’s family that I know. I voted for McCain/Palin and totally looked forward to some normalcy in the White House. And while the country seeks to move our culture forward with legalized abortion and medicinal marijuana, some people are still shocked by the fact that a teenage mother almost made it to Washington, DC. Hello! Been to high school lately?

Let me put it to you this way: I am Bristol Palin. I understand your comment about wanting to grow up a little bit before actually getting married because I actually requested the same from my daughter’s father, and I was in my twenties. But instead of appearing on one of the tackiest talk shows in history, he sued me. Twice. And he lost. Twice. Are you catching the hints I'm throwing your way?

Levi, do you wonder why Bristol is in a “pretty bad mood”? Have you ever asked her? I mean, you yourself have said, “Moms are pretty smart”. Yes, we are. We are also fiercely protective of our children. Give your child’s mother some credit. Sometimes, it’s all we ask for.

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